Page Text: By a.thigpen In Journal , Love 1 Comment
Views and opinions vary widely when it comes to the topic of long distance relationships. Anything from a complete waste of time to the best experience in someone’s entire life. For anyone who doesn’t know, a long distance relationship is exactly what the name implies – a relationship between two people who are far away from each other. Having been in one for the past 8 months of my life, I’ve realized I’ve never solidified my ideas on the subject, and thus, this post was born.
As stated above, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, that’s for sure. The thing is, I have learned so much-about myself, about other people, and about life itself-through this experience. Below are a few of the major things I’ve learned throughout the months.
You are not weak if you are in a long distance relationship.
Contrary to the belief that being in a long distance relationship shows lack of commitment and fear of responsibility, being able to stay with somebody hundreds of miles away shows true strength. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent staying up an extra hour or two crying because I felt so alone with the person I love, who also very much loves me, being 800 plus miles away from me. I could save myself the heartache and the pain and the lonely nights by just lowering my standards and settling for someone in my area, but instead of taking the easy way out, I have chosen to fight through the hard times in hopes of a better tomorrow. The distance and the doubt tests your strength and commitment to each other, but we are both able to keep on going. Being in a long distance relationship strengthens me as a person. I am much stronger and able to keep my head up during tough days instead of giving up and throwing away everything we’ve worked for.
Time is an extremely valuable thing.
This is a bit of an obvious point because everyone knows that time is valuable and important in life. The thing is, being in a long distance relationship has only sharpened that realization and helped me to make some choices I previously wouldn’t have made. My boyfriend and I, during one of our FaceTime calls, actually figured out all the mathematical calculations to discover we’ve only physically been together, in person, for less than 7% of our entire relationship. Yeah, a whole 7%. After finding this out, I began to realize just how important our short visits were. The time we spend together is so special and every moment together is something I’m thankful for. I don’t care if we’re at a movie, out on a fancy date, sitting on the couch with our hair a mess and in sweatpants, as long as I get to be with him, I don’t care what we’re doing. The time we get to spend together face to face is what motivates me to keep going when I’m down. It is something I look forward to every morning when I wake up because it’s one day closer until the next visit when I can see his face again, hold his hand, hug him, cuddle with him, and everything else that the distance between us makes impossible.
Take life one day at a time.
Since I was young I’ve had the phrase “don’t worry so much about the future” drilled into my brain so deep that I begin to tell myself that when I start to worry. I am a worry-bug, plain and simple, I worry about everything. So of course I let the negativity win over me a lot of the time. Is he really being faithful? Is the distance ever going to close? What if this doesn’t work out? Do I really know him? Am I wasting my time? Is this even going to be worth it in the end? When do I get to see him again? Am I really strong enough to be able to do this? are just a few examples of thoughts that are able to cross my mind, almost on a daily basis. If I let these thoughts control me, it stresses me out and makes me irritable, which, in turn, is noticeable to my boyfriend and it makes him concerned about me. Worrying about things you can’t control does nobody any good and it puts a strain on my relationship when I let those things take over. So what I’ve learned is not to worry about all the “what ifs” and doubting my partner, I take every day as it comes and deal with the emotions of that day. I trust God to do whatever it is he has in his plans for my future and I just pray that it includes the relationship I currently have for the rest of time.
You HAVE to open up and be honest.
Since we’re so far away from each other and most of our communication is through texting, it is CRUCIAL that we tell each other how we feel and to be honest at all times. We aren’t mind readers; we aren’t able to read between all the lines to find out that the “I’m fine.” text message is really saying “I’m begging for you to comfort me.” Instead of playing games with sending messages that have a deeper meaning, it is SUPER important to just be straight up honest about how you feel or what you think. In the end, it makes it easier on both parties for everything to be out in the open. This also helps to discover things about each other and deepen your trust for each other.
The little things really do mean the most.
Good things come in small packages. The same is true for the little things have the most meaning. That simple “good morning” text. That snapchat of something that reminds them of you. That 10 minute phone call you get before he goes into work. That surprise gift that came in the mail for you. That couple sentence post on your Facebook wall. That picture with the cute saying he tagged you in on Instagram. That 140 character tweet when it’s #womencrushwednesday. All these little things that seem like mindless tasks are actually a bunch of ways to say “I love you” and “even though we’re far apart, you’re on my mind and I’m thinking about you.” Those are SO important in a long distance relationship where you don’t have the luxury of being able to head out for dinner and a movie on Saturday night or grab a coffee together before class on Thursday. You have to improvise with different things in place of those situations because you’re unable to physically be together. So even though it only took 2 minutes to write out a text message, it reminds your partner that you care and you’re putting real effort into keeping the relationship going. One of the biggest things in a long distance relationship is insecurity a person may feel about not being able to be close to their partner. By doing these simple tasks, you’re helping to eliminate that insecurity because you’re proving your love for them and your dedication to the relationship.
Small talk is actually big talk
“How was your day?” “Is the weather nice?” This idea kind of ties in with the previous one about little things. Small talk is HUGE. You HAVE to be able to keep a conversation going because that’s basically all you have to rely on for a majority of the relationship. Responding to texts with “k” “yeah” “lol” “xD” does not make for a quality conversation. You want to know every little piece of information you can about your partner; This starts with the small things like their favorite sport, what their weekend plans are, and what they had for lunch. It may seem silly, even a bit childish at times, but it helps you stay connected and provides a more personal connection to the happenings of your partner’s day. As important as small talk is, serious conversations about heavy topics also have their place. The thing is, you don’t want to keep everything so dense and serious with every message you send to each other. It’s okay, and even beneficial, to keep the air light and casual.
You learn to trust.
Since distance is the biggest obstacle in said long distance relationship, you HAVE to learn how to open up and trust the other person. It takes a lot of trust to sleep soundly at night believing that somebody isn’t screwing you over or playing with your emotions and is actually staying true to their word and having their intentions match yours. It’s not easy, at all. But you have to share your emotions. You have to talk about the hard stuff. You can’t keep secrets or hide feelings. It is a deeply moving experience, emotionally, to be in a long distance relationship. One day you’re on top of the world because the next visit is right around the corner. The next day you’re at rock bottom because your heart physically aches from missing them so much. Emotions play such a big role in a long distance relationship because those are the things you have to fall back on when you doubt or worry. You HAVE to let that other person in. You aren’t going to get very far if you keep a wall built up around you. You need to trust them with your fears, your secrets, every single part of who you are, and in return, they trust you with every part that you show them.
You discover more about yourself and develop as a person.
Just like every person does, I’ve grown and developed as an individual. I like to think that I can credit some of that progress to my long distance relationship. Obviously, I’ve become a stronger person because of it, but I’ve also had to put my trust in and rely on God a lot more than I did without this relationship. Also, having distance as a factor, I am able to continue growing other relationships and living out my senior year in high school. I’m not saying that I prefer him away from me, because I would have him here in a heartbeat if I was able to, but you have to look at the positives of the situation you’ve been given. At least I’m not that girl who lost all her friends because she spent every night at her boyfriend’s house. I don’t have to choose between my friends and my boyfriend, I can have both of them in one place- one in my pocket in the form of a cell phone, and the other one sitting next to me in the ice cream parlor. I still get to have every experience I want on top of having someone who loves me for exactly who I am, even from 800 miles away. I also make decisions about my future with my relationship in mind. I am extremely committed to my partner and I try to think things through and see what option has the best outcome with both of us in mind before making a final decision about something.
You have to make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt
To conclude on this whole topic, you have to remember to stay positive, for you and your partner’s sake. Sure my boyfriend isn’t a 5 minute drive away, but the quality of our relationship is so much stronger than any of my friend’s relationships. My relationship is real. It isn’t some fake thing where we use each other or our intentions are unclear and we’re dating just to say we have someone; we are together with the hope to be together forever. I honestly believe it is impossible for me to have a relationship with someone closer to me with the same depth, commitment, strength, and love than the relationship I have right now. I am in my long distance relationship because I believe 100% that God brought him into my life for a reason and I am 100% committed to making this work somehow. So far we’ve been blessed enough with today’s technology, the support of our parents, and a few visits to keep our feelings strong and our bond even stronger. I will thank God every day of my life for putting my partner into my life, I can’t imagine a life without him. So yes, it sucks to be apart and it does get lonely, but what we have together is something I will never be able to have with anyone else, therefore I will fight day in and day out to keep my relationship what it is. We’ve beat a lot of the odds already with us being who we say we are, being so young but mature, the amount of commitment we have to one another, and all in all, being able to stick together through everything life has dealt us thus far. I am more than excited to see what God has in our future together, I’m hoping a wedding, a family, and being together for the rest of our days, so I put my trust in him and sit back and enjoy the ride I’m on~