Page Text: self-expression
core sense of self
Many people who are nonbinary reject gender roles and the rigid expectations and perceptions attached to them.
Can anyone be nonbinary?
Anyone whose gender identity or experience can’t be exclusively captured by using the terms “man” or “woman” can identify as nonbinary.
Although nonbinary people can personally self-define this term with slight variation, it’s most often used to describe experiences that:
encompass both masculine and feminine traits
don’t align with the sex-based and gender-based attributes imposed at birth
What might this look like in practice?
In practice, being nonbinary looks like having a core sense of self that can’t be exclusively described as man or woman and using language that respects and sees your personhood first and foremost.
Some nonbinary people feel that gender-neutral language is more affirming of their gender, while others use both gender-neutral and binary language to describe and affirm who they are.
One person who’s nonbinary might need access to a gender-neutral restroom, while another nonbinary person might prefer to use a sex-segregated space based on safety, convenience, access, and comfort.
As mentioned before, there isn’t one way or a right way to be nonbinary. Being nonbinary is about knowing yourself and doing what’s right for you.
The gender identity label a person uses to describe themself doesn’t necessarily tell you what pronouns to use.
Here’s a list (in no particular order) of pronouns nonbinary people commonly use:
gender-neutral pronouns, such as they/them/theirs
neo pronouns, such as ze/hir/hirs or ze/zir/zirs
binary pronouns, such as she/her/hers and he/him/his
multiple sets of pronouns, such as she/they or he/they
any pronouns, so long as they’re used respectfully
Some nonbinary people don’t use any pronouns at all. Some feel most affirmed and respected when only being referred to as their name.
No matter your gender identity, it can be a good idea to introduce yourself to others with your name and pronouns. This may prompt others to share theirs.
If someone doesn’t share their pronouns freely, you should respect their decision and avoid pressing the subject further.
If you’re unsure of what terminology to use in a given situation, deferring to gender-neutral language is typically (though not always) experienced as an inclusive effort.
The umbrella term nonbinary includes gender identities such as genderqueer and genderfluid, which results in some overlap and similarities among the terms.
“Genderqueer” can refer to both gender nonconforming identity and gender expression.
Unlike nonbinary, both the word itself and associated identity are centered around being queer.
“ Genderfluid ” can also refer to gender identity or expression.
It often involves the experience of moving between genders or having a gender or presentation that changes over a particular period of time.
For example, a person’s gender identity or expression can change from moment to moment, day to day, month to month, year to year, or decade to decade.
Unlike nonbinary, gender fluid conveys specific information about the evolving nature of gender over time.
Why might someone opt to use this term over others?
Someone might opt to use the term nonbinary over others because it has become more recognizable (and Google-able) than many of the more specific gender identities under the umbrella.
As a result, using this term might be a clear and effective way of communicating something about a core part of oneself that’s complex, nuanced, and sometimes hard to explain.
Nonbinary gender might be for you if you:
resonate with any of the above
experience your gender as both masculine and feminine
don’t identify with the sex-based categories or gender expectations assigned to you
Nonbinary gender provides people with a space to explore and actualize an identity and expression in a way that feels aligned with their core sense of self.
What happens if you no longer feel like this term fits?
Sometimes people identify with the term nonbinary in the longer term, while others identify with it for a period of time in the process of exploring or understanding their gender with greater clarity.
If you feel like this term no longer fits, it probably means you gained some helpful information about yourself along the way.
Figuring out why these shifts occur can be both challenging and anxiety-provoking.
Most often, finding the answer involves reflection about:
your sense of self
what gender means to you
how gender relates to your entire personhood
how gender relates to your experience in your body
how gender relates to your experience in the world
How can you support the nonbinary people in your life?
If you know someone who’s exploring their gender or who identifies as nonbinary, you can support them by checking in to find out the ways they want you to be supportive while simultaneously respecting and protecting their boundaries, right to time, and privacy.
Remember, some people are more comfortable sharing than others. Not everyone wants to speak openly about their gender and pronouns upon request.
People typically share when they’re ready and will let you know if they want you to inform or correct others.