Page Text: You Don’t Know Shit
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington.
He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know shit?
You’re Not The Flight Instructor?
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting.
He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, “Let’s go!”
The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air,though flying erratically.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make several low-level passes.”
“Why?” asked the nervous pilot.
“Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!”
The pilot replied,” You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”
Feel Like A Woman
I’m sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when all of a sudden the captain comes on the loudspeaker and tells us that the plane is about to crash land into the mountains.
The next thing I know this woman from the front of the plane jumps up from her seat and starts screaming like a lunatic.”I can’t die today! I WON’T die today! I am twenty-seven years old! I have been on countless dates and no one has ever made me feel like a woman! Please, I don’t want to die like this! Is there anyone on this airplane that can make me feel like a woman?”
The entire plane went from hysteria to complete silence.
Then, from the back of the plane, someone stood up. He was a dark, tall, well-built, handsome man.
“I can make you feel like a woman,” was his reply.
He started walking slowly down the aisle to the woman, who was now shaking with anticipation.
One by one he started unbuttoning his shirt buttons, revealing his rippling stomach muscles.
He quickly took his shirt off, slowly reached for her trembling hand, looked in her eyes and said…”Iron this!”