Page Title: Latest - America's Finest News Source | The Onion
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Page Text: WASHINGTON—Defending her performance against recent reports of cognitive decline, senior United States senator… Advertisement G/O Media may get a commission Read on
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GOP Withdraws From Presidential Debate Panel Dianne Feinstein Argues She Still Perfectly Mentally Fit To Continue Captaining Submarine Get a Year of PlayStation Plus for $45 So You Can Absolutely Wreck Me in Destiny 2 for 12 Months ‘I’ll Tell You When I’ve Had Enough,’ Says Pete Buttigieg, Blowing Off Steam With Another Round Through Car Wash The History Of The NYPD Panasonic Recalls 2 Million Microwaves That Got Dirty Cleveland Guardians Criticized For Stereotypical Depictions Of Art Deco Community Most Common Cause Of Death In Every State God Who Took Form Of Swan Finding It Much Harder To Seduce Women Than Expected Thank God I Live In New Jersey Philips Unveils New Electric Combine For Harvesting Body Hair Woman Admits To Faking 2016 Kidnapping What To Say If Your Child Asks If You’re Rich Finland, Sweden Evaluating NATO Membership With Free One-Day Guest Pass Experts Recommend All Children Over 8 Be Screened For Anxiety Congress Approves Empty Paper Towel Roll For NASA To Use As Telescope Rock Out With Your Caucus Out Dad Shredding Old Junk Mail With Intensity Of Watergate 7 Climate Report Finds Antarctica Could Support Multiple Golf Courses By 2050 Man Endures Crippling Agony Of Proper Posture Psychotic Break Really Helping Man Come Out Of Shell
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